Love like a child...

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  

Matthew 18:3

In the world today, we have become a people of instant gratification.  We wonder why friends didn’t respond to our facebook posts within minutes of uploading our latest selfie.  We can no longer comprehend a world without cell phones attached to everyone’s hips, available to talk 24/7.  We can’t even make it through a date talking to each other because we are too busy texting our friends letting them know what an awesome time we are having.  Friendships have been whittled away to simply pressing a button to “like” another’s post.  The art of conversation has died as we find it easier to have our faces buried in the latest and greatest technology than to look someone in the eyes and listen to their story unfold.  Despite all this, I still find that the greatest glimpses of wisdom may take decades of patience to understand.

It wasn’t until the past couple weeks, being a new father, that I have come to truly understand what Jesus was speaking of in Matthew 18:3.  Alice Jane is a beautiful healthy baby and in getting to know her and interact with her I have made a few observations.  Most of her clothes have come from Wal-Mart, she doesn’t care because they keep her warm.  She doesn't care what type of vehicle she is riding in, only that it keeps her feeling safe.  She doesn’t care what show she might miss on the widescreen, flatscreen, LED, bluetooth enabled, wifi television because she would rather be held, looking us in the eyes.  She doesn’t know what is trending on twitter, or has gone viral on youtube because she would rather be touched.  She doesn’t know how to judge, or boast, or lie, or gossip, or ridicule.  She forgives repeatedly (I have asked for her forgiveness several times as I learn what I am doing) and the only language she currently understands is love.  

She, like everyone else, wants her basic needs met first.  Once those have been tended to, the only other thing she requires is love.  She particularly likes her love served unconditionally, and we respond and give our love freely.

So what have I learned, what is this bit of wisdom that has been revealed?  It is that we must be more like this child in our daily lives.   We must push away all the other gods the world has created that can consume and fill our lives.  We concern ourselves too often with material things that we can possess in an attempt to feel complete.  The reality is that if we were more like this child, then our lives would be complete if they were filled one simple thing...Love.  And only God has enough for everyone.

Our Birth Movies

This is a link to a couple videos that we made to help us remember this birth experience.

The first is a video of our ultrasound on May 15.  It is wild to watch this video now while holding Alice Jane.  Pregnancy is a miracle that we are just now starting to fully understand.  We now know that Alice is just as squirmy outside of the womb as she was inside.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmmRuohAPhY

This second video is our birth movie.  Before our delivery, the majority of stories we heard seemed closer to horror stories than to the miracle of birth.  We wanted to share our positive experience with others so they might develop a different image of birth.  Why was it positive?  We educated ourselves, understanding the different scenarios and the procedures associated with them, and by doing so we removed our fear.  We elected to have a natural, husband coached child birth with self directed pushing.  That doesn't mean it was the right way, it just means that it was our way. The video is edited tastefully so that it can be shared and viewed by anyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lOCr8-7SPE

Alice Jane's Birth Story

It was only Wednesday, October 2 that I suggested to Maggi, "Why don't we both take off on Friday."  Her sinus infection was getting better,  we hadn't seen any change from Monday's doctor's appointment, Saturday was the due date, and Friday might just be the last time we would ever be just the two of us.  We would just be...together.

It was a gorgeous day, the kind you always wish for.  Partly sunny, 76 degrees with a light breeze.  We woke up slowly, making sure we stayed in bed and enjoyed some extra cuddle time.  We had breakfast together, and then just enjoyed time around the house.  At 11:15 we went to the Mount Jefferson Family Medicine.  Dr. Wonsick checked Maggi and the verdict was no change from Monday.  Still dilated to between a 3 and 4, effaced 85%, and engaged at a 0.  So with this new knowledge in hand, we left the doctor placing new bets on when we thought the due date would be (it had already passed most of our initial guesses).

We went back home for lunch.  It was about 1:00pm when Maggi mentioned briefly that she was having aching in her lower back.  Afterward, Maggi sat on the porch soaking in the rays of the sun while I worked on some fall decorating.  With a few bales of straw and cucurbits from my variety trial, a fall display was completed.  Maggi then suggested that we go to Good Ole Days for some Pumpkin Pecan ice cream.  It was 3:00 in the afternoon as we strolled the streets of West Jefferson, enjoying our frozen treat.  We returned home around 4:00 which was when Maggi said she was having a cramp low in her stomach.

It was 4:26 when I started recording and timing contractions.  Over the next hour what we believed were contractions revealed that we were farther along in the labor process that we thought.  The contractions were 4-6 minutes apart and lasting anywhere from 30-50 seconds.  I called the hospital to let them know that we would be arriving shortly.  I breathed deeply and focused the best I could.  My job was to remain calm and roll through the checklist we had prepared in advance.  I began packing the truck.  Just as I finished, Jay and Valerie Chamberlain (Maggi's parents) arrived from Fredericksburg, Va at 5:30.  I greeted them at their car and said, "Perfect timing, we're getting ready leave for the hospital."

We entered through the ER side of Ashe Memorial Hospital for check-in.  We were admitted to the hospital at 5:50 PM and made our way up to the second floor to the Wilma Vannoy Birthing Center.  They immediately hooked Maggi up to the fetal monitoring system to do their preliminary checks, and then started the paperwork process.  Maggi's contractions were steadily moving towards 4 minutes apart and contractions were continuing to increase in strength.  After paperwork and monitoring, the nurse checked Maggi at 6:30, she was dilated to a 6 and effaced 90%.  I then went and got Jay and Val to come into the room.  Richie and Andrea and Mom showed up shortly after.  Since Maggi was Group B Strep positive, she had to receive IV antibiotics (we had hoped for no IV in our birth plan, but plans change when it concerns the health of the baby).  She had her IV placed in her forearm so it wouldn't interfere with plans for pushing in her hand.

 At 7:30, contractions had strengthened enough that it was time to get down to business.  Everyone retreated from the room and left Maggi and I with the lights turned down low and Film Scores channel on Pandora playing in the background.  We brought Maggi's birthing ball to the delivery room, and she was most comfortable when rocking with her chest on the ball and her knees on pillows on the ground.  She was backed up to the sofa in the room which is where I sat and rhythmically rubbed her lower back with oil during contractions.  She would have to get back in bed periodically to get fetal monitoring and check progression.  It was during these periods of time that she was the most uncomfortable.  The contractions intensified quickly and by 9:00 they were 2-3 minutes apart and lasting an average of 50 seconds.  She was checked one last time, dilated to a 9 and effaced 100%.  The nurses called doctor Wonsick, and informed us that when the urge to push started that it was time to get in the bed and start the final stage of labor.  I knew we were in the transition stage shortly afterwards because Maggi had a beautiful vomit.  I couldn't believe it was moving this quickly.  I was receiving texts from family asking for updates and I didn't even have time between contractions to reply.

At 10:00 PM on October 4, Maggi started pushing.  Our RN's Teresa and Katie were wonderful and attended to all our needs.  Their encouraging words helped Maggi remain positive and focused during this completely new experience.  Maggi started in a squatting position assisted by a squatting bar at the foot of the bed.  For the first 1 1/2 hours I sat behind her, pacing her breathing during contractions, supporting her body between contractions, massaging where necessary, wiping sweat away with a cool damp washcloth, and constantly providing words of encouragement.

I know they call it labor for a reason, because it is hard work.  It still didn't prepare me for what I was observing.  My wife was working the hardest I have ever seen her work.  It only made me love her more and try to wish her pain away, but the only thing I could do was continue what I was doing and watch in amazement.

After an hour and 1/2 we changed positions, brought the back of the bed up and placed Maggi's feet in the stirrups into a modified supported squatting position.  Between contractions, which consisted of 3-4 pushes, I would feed Maggi ice chips and continue cooling her off with a moist cloth.  The contractions spread back apart to 2-4 minutes between.  This prolonged labor, but allowed Maggi to rest and recuperate between pushing.  One lip of Maggi's cervix kept rolling back over the baby's head and Dr. Wonsick had to push it back over the head a couple times.  This was painful for Maggi.  The baby also had a tough time clearing the pelvic bones, which led to the length of time of labor.   Maggi persevered and there was only one hurdle left, crowning and birth.  As the head began to crown, Dr. Wonsick realized that the head was too high in the birth canal.  The concern was that Maggi might tear her urethra, so the decision to perform an episiotomy was made.

The baby entered the world and an immediate wonderful sound of a newborn's cries echoed in the room.  Dr. Wonsick placed the newborn child on Maggi's stomach, and said "Do you see what it is, what is it?"  I finally caught a glimpse and said "Its a girl, it's Alice Jane.  We had a daughter, a beautiful healthy daughter, born at 12:28 AM on October 5, 2013 (right on her due date).

We waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing, at which point it was clamped.  I then cut the chord.  Maggi, unfortunately had torn in two seperate places, as well as the episiotomy.  Dr. Wonsick said it would take a little bit of time to get everything stitched up.  Since Maggi wasn't able to, I took Alice Jane and unbuttoned my shirt and held her skin to skin until they finished, 40 minutes later.  Maggi worked at getting Alice Jane to nurse for the first time, and I went to tell the family of the new arrival.  We chose not to find out the sex of our child, so in my first proud moment as a new father I revealed to the grandparents that they now had a granddaughter.  I told them Maggi was nursing and that as soon as the newborn procedures were complete I would come get them to meet their granddaughter.

After the initial nursing, the infant procedures were performed.  Alice Jane weighed 7lbs 11 oz at birth and was 20.2 inches long which placed her in the 50th percentile for size (perfect).  A head circumference of 13 inches and a chest of 14 inches.  She sat under the incubator and just wiggled back and forth, never crying or getting upset.  Everyone came to meet her.  The room finally cleared out around 2:30 AM and we dozed briefly.  Alice Jane woke around 4:00 and I held and rocked her until 5:30, I stared into her eyes as she gazed back.  The next day we adjusted to lack of sleep, welcomed family and visitors, and worked on nursing.  We were released from the hospital at 9:30 on Sunday morning October 6.  I now began to realize the love of a parent for a child, but I knew that I must never forget that God loved her first.

The Pursuit...

At the end of January 2013, we realized that our life was about to change.  The pregnancy test was positive and the consequent doctors appointment soon confirmed that a bun was in the oven.

Some brief history, I am a survivor of testicular cancer.  After surgery and subsequent radiation treatment in the spring and summer of 2003, I was told by the doctor that there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to have children.  In August of 2007 I met the woman that would later become my bride, but before we decided to spend our lives together, I voiced a primary concern.  I told her that my only fear of the future was that it may not include children.  She took my hand and softly said, "We will cross that bridge when we get to it."  So our life together began on May 29, 2010.

Before pregnancy, we actually discussed adopting first.  We strongly believe in adoption, and we knew that any child of God's could be a child of ours, and it would be loved unconditionally.  After beginning the process, we realized that the length of time for the process of adoption did not fit into our initial timeline (Maggi's clock had started to tick).  We agreed in November of 2012 that we would stop trying to NOT have children in January.  Our God constantly proves us wrong, and shows us that we worry about things we do not know.  Within two weeks, our little miracle happened.  All those years of fear, removed in such a short period of time and replaced by hope.

So here we are, 2 weeks from a due date (October 5, 2013).  This blog will attempt to be a record of the life we are about to begin...as Parents of either Alice Jane or Noah Edward.